I Miss You Dad :(

Oh where to start, it has been one week today and I don't think the reality that I won't see you anymore has set in. Does it ever set in? It has been 3 1/2 years since Mom has been gone and some days I still reach for the phone to share something when it hits me all over again.

I feel like a professional at dealing with grief if there is such thing. I think what i want to share most with everyone is from my perspective what one is looking for when they lose someone close to them. We all tend to feel awkward and wonder what should I say, I hope they are okay, I hope I don't sound 'dumb'. Here are words/actions I know always help me:

- I am here for you if you need me (but MEAN it!)
- I don't know exactly what to say but...........you know I am here
- If you don't the person who passed well then don't claim to - just let the grieving person know you are thinking of them at this time
- Saying Sorry is really OKAY cause you are
- Respect a person's space if they don't seem 'huggy' or 'touchy' when approached, everyone is different
- If you really do feel awkward and are not comfortable with words then drop a card - this is a nice way to reach out
- If you are dealing with Children who have lost someone close don't take anything personal to their reaction, they grieve differently and very individually - give them space

Those are just some of the tips I have from personal experience on losing loved ones as in 6 short years I have lost an Ex-Husband (who was my best friend) My Mother, My 2nd Husband and now my Father. That was hard to type to be honest but the reality of it is there, I have lost them and I must move on yet be able to grieve when I need to.

I know through all of this I have had wonderful family and friends to support me and I couldn't be luckier!! :) You all know who you are<3

Break Time is Over! :)

Whoa, after over 3 months of writing it is time to end the break and move forward. Over the past 3 months I have attended a few workshops, participated in a channeling that was forever changing and hosted a fabulous Peel Opti-Mom Girls night out for Peel. As this is all going on of course there is 'real life' and work to attend to.

I am currently in the Trade Show business and WAMOOO we had the busiest season we have had in 4 years. I worked long hard hours including evenings and weekends as well as still being Mom of course too. What does this tell me though? It tells me things are looking up out there in the world, maybe the recession is over??

It took until maybe the last week for this to hit me!! Instead of complaining and whining about long hours, being underpaid, no recognition why not look at the positive!! This is a good time for CHANGE, a time to move ahead, forge forward, reach those goals and aspirations. Girl it is time to MOVE!!

So with this said, my writing is short and sweet and I will be back with my progression as I move forward with my Goals and Aspirations!!

There is no time like the present for me and I am soooo looking forward to it and all the Challenges and Changes it is about to bring.

Bye for now:)
Sandra Staying Sane!

Week of Reflection

I am not even sure myself where to begin with my week's reflection. I thought 6 years ago this would NEVER ever happen and to be honest I think it has. 6 years ago my 2 beautiful children(in fact my whole world) lost their father suddenly and very tragically. My daughter being the independant age of 14 stayed home from what was a cottage trip with her Dad and Step-Mom and my son went along on the adventure at his innocent age of 12yrs. Oh as I write this I am teary and I can remember it like yesterday but i have never really shared my anxiety and feelings over this sad yet one of life's cruel realities. My beautiful and excited son left Friday night eager to spend the time with his father, they were very close and his Dad was a great father to have, I wouldn't change it for the world. They spent the weekend in St. Mary's on a baseball trip and stopped 'home' to get some things on the Sunday night before their cottage time. Father and Son both eager, both smiling, both enjoying each others company. I remember the big wave as they drove off - walking back to the house I felt a sense of freedom for the week and a feeling of peace as I knew my son was in the most capable hands he could be in. (well let's be honest except for mine, after all I AM MOM :)) Then the dreadful most unimaginable tragedy occured- at 3:30 a.m. on July 20, 2004 I received a phone call that would shatter my world, that would crash and alter my children's lives forever. It was a panic call from the childrens Step-Mom (who to this day is a very close friend of mine) to say that HE WAS GONE - what??? this could not be - this could not be. Fast forward to reality, it was true - the rest is a blur, waking up my daughter, finding someone to be with her, driving 2 hrs to get to my son who my last words from him were 'Mommy I need you quick God took my Best Friend from me, please Mommy, please Mommy quick' The nightmare continued to get worse as my poor child had been the one to get up for that boy 'pee' in the middle of the night to find his father had died on the bathroom floor - he thinks he should have been able to save him bless his oh so innocent heart.

So........what is it I am looking upon - almost every single day since that dreaded phone call I have always had this guilt linger with me, why me?? why my children?? why me??? I think that guilt that I thought would be there forever has lifted, it's like something I can't even understand myself, it seemed to very bluntly tell me that it was time it left me and went away! Sound strange?? It does to me so I totally get what you might be thinking. I was so guilty that I over compensated with my children ever which way I could and I mean everything. Whatever they wanted I tried to give - not just materialistically but with rules, with school habits well I am admitting it, it was just everything.

I have been so blessed these past few months to have met some utterly fantastic women who have now come in to my life - not just met them but they stay, they talk, they come back, they are truly becoming My Friends! I feel such a joy I can't explain about this turn and change going on in my life. I am blessed to be going down this new path and I am just so in awe that life can be this great and WITHOUT GUILT - yes I said it WITHOUT - you are my WITNESS.

So as I sit on this dark and kind of gloomy Friday afternoon I feel utter sunshine going on within me. I feel blessed, i feel guilt free and I feel like I can be me - i will forever miss my children's father as he was my Best Friend but I don't feel GUILTY I feel lucky, to have known him, for my children to be such great human beings and to have been so lucky as to have their Dad for the time they did. I feel guilt free because it wasn't my fault, it was a reality of life, a tough life lesson and a life altering experience but I am here and I must go on. I need to do what is best for me and in turn I have learned that will probably be the best gift I can give my children. So......to my children, I am coming back as me, the person I am, want to be and will continue to be forever!! Woot Woot - I am ready for the rest of my life.........bring it on cause I can handle it!!

**I will sign off as I have a GNO to attend to tonight and can't wait to hook up with some Fab Ladies I spoke to you about**

Until next time...................<3

World is opening up !!!

I don't even know how to start but think I am in absolute awwww with what's going on in my life right now.......why are things starting to go so well...........how was I blessed to meet and continue to meet such fantastic women............and i think........is it MY TIME.........can this be possible??????? I think I have my own answer - YES IT CAN !!!!!!

I was lucky enough to attend a workshop last night called Vino and Visions and WOW is what I have to say. I learned so much about myself on top of meeting absolutely fantastic women each one with a story to share. One absolutely important step to my success is commit and put in writing and say out loud what it is i want - I need to make this a Reality not a Dream! I did that last night and I put on paper my 5 year vision, i closed my eyes and thought about that 5 year vision and i actually saw it for the very FIRST time. I was in awe of how i was beginning to feel and how it was becoming real.

As i sit here writing i think for oh the 4th time I decided what a better day to continue my blog than the day after I have committed something to myself. I will put it in writing again and tell you that I am going to work for MYSELF- nahhhhhhhhhhh i don't have all the answers yet but i am starting to visualize them and see it and that MY FRIENDS is a BIG STEP.

I am more than excited and thrilled to be having my debut launch tomorrow as the Peel Playground Supervisor of Opti-Mom - am i nervous - OH HECK YEAH!!!! So many reasons to be but at the end of the day.........its going to happen and no matter what I will make it a SUCCESS. That is another committment to myself.

So i leave today's writing only to tell you that I Sandra Kennedy am on a path of greatness, i feel it and I am committed to it and i am ooohhhhhhhhh so ready for it.

Keep Moving Forward !!

Since the last time I wrote so much has happened - I was lucky enough to attend a TweetsOfTO gathering in Oakville and I must say it was fantastic. I met so many wonderful people and there were still many I didn't have the pleasure to meet. The buzz in the room was contagious. So much going on, so many smiles and laughter and so many just plain energetic people. I must say that is my first of many I plan to attend and expand on meeting more and more fantastic people, Moms, Dads, business entrepreneurs and more.

As I was on an energy high from this event things kind of felt like they kept going wrong - allergies were bad - no voice on and off, a child not sure of a passing grade in a class, another child who was stressed and didn't like her job and WOW i was kind of feeling sorry for myself and then BANG - a close friend lost his life in a sudden accident and he was 35 yrs old. I was feeling sorry for ME???? So here I am in simple easy words to say I am back with a renewed sense of self and ready to continue my mission I started and that is to create the life I want and the life I feel I deserve. I have been planning and setting up goals for my new adventure and it feels good. Life is precious and every once in a while it takes something to kick you in the ass and say HEY - Keep Moving Forward - its the best thing you can do for you!!

Wheww, here I am again - to be honest I came on a couple of times to write again and was having trouble figuring out how to write a new post!! YES me - I couldn't figure it out being so new and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone.........can you imagine??? How silly i think now and i hope if anyone has the same problem...........ask me!! I will tell you with a big smile you just sign in to your account! Well, before this would have turned me off, I would have felt useless and thought forget it.......I can't change........I won't make it.........I better just keep doing the same old same old I have done for 41 years and accept it just won't happen.......those dreams of being an entrepreneur are really just a dream. BUT STOP.......not this time, not me - I will march on, except it took me almost 2 months of on and off trying to create my 2nd post and i will claim VICTORY :)

I am excited today as I know tonight I will be at TweetsofTO and I am looking forward to meeting some amazing people. Some I will know, some i will know only from Twitter so far and some will be new. I look forward to light chats and some good laughs. I know this is a new time to explore me and get out there and be ME for everyone. What else is there??

Oh yes and am I SANE today.........that answer is yet to come:)

Wow - my first blog and am I sane??? I think at this moment yes I am, seconds from now is anyone's guess.

Today is a good day (so far and it is 4:08 p.m.!) Work seems smooth and the kids seem to be peaceful. By kids we are talking 20 years and 18 years old but still very much the loves of my life (i trust that will never change) so......as luck has it at any given moment I may be needed not so much as a taxi anymore (both driving) but as bank machine, solver, cook and the list goes on and on.

I think I will like the world of blogging and I certainly know this is only the beginning, I hope to share, be inspirational, learn from others and 'blog' you through the changing me.

Yes........changing and moving upwards and onwards........stay tuned.

APRIL 21, 2010